Finding meaning in the messiness, craziness and busyness of life
The name is 'ollaa'
At the age where life makes little sense, the world is warzone and just like Jean Louise Finch in 'Go Set a Watchman' by Harrper Lee, trying to put the puzzle together. And Trust me, still makes no sense but having hope is more than enough.
I don’t know if its part of getting old or its just life but everything in my life is hella dramatic. I even feel dramatic seating in my room at this time of the day writing about this; arrgh.
A little about my life: I’m trying to launch a natural skin care brand, finishing my five year degree (freaking out), my personal relationships are taking turns in directions that are unexpected and them inner battles; honestly giving me heartache every time it enters my mind.
In this very moment I have never felt so strongly about needing God’s help in the direction I should take. A few days back I realised how much I wanted to ask God about the plans he has for my life at this point; especially in respect to my degree. (1) because I’m freaking out and (2) there is so much doubt and fear in the the fibre of my beings at this time of my life. And, I honestly feel pressured to secure a job before my gratulation. I have already had a hard time completely my degree when in the second year of the degree I almost changed career path after realising that Law would not take me in the path I wanted to be in.
10:52 pm, Sydney
long story short:
I continued and I’m glad I did it.
Now that I’m almost done! the second biggest challenge of my career is knocking on my door and I don’t know how I’m going to handle it. So, I knocked on heaven’s door and God is helping me draw close to him in order to hear his voice clearer.
The plan is simple: Read every single day for 30 days and spend more time with God. Further, complete the short mini goal for July.
Mind that I have started writing this journal five days ago and as you can tell by the lack of progress i’m not doing so well. By God’s grace, I have yet to miss a reading. However, I’m already behind with the plans for July ( yes! I know its still June).
But here is what I have learned so far….
If Christ in a time I have sinned to the fullest without remorse in my life was able to walk to the Cross for me, how much more will he do it for me in my time of remorse? So, basically, this was based on my reading in Romans 8:31-37. This passage really spoke to me. It taught me that if Christ would do for me what he has done in a time where I didn’t even know or cared; what will he do for me now? The passage goes on to state that ‘if God is for us, who can be against us?’ So, as you can see, there is no one against me! And, my fear as beautiful and powerful as they may seem, It’s nothing but a block of stone. Nothing compare to the God I serve!
Warning* Please remember this is me documenting my experience and it might differ from your experience but do not feel discourage! God is all about relationship.
Let me know if you want to take the challenge with me 🙂 And, I will try to write as often as possible about my ups and downs in this 30 days. Also, maybe you guys can hold me accountable when I don’t.
Are you in the middle of life crisis? like nothing is working? the more you try the more it goes wrong? like you are trying to pursuit God but it seems like his nowhere to be found? Well, that makes two of us.
I had a life crisis a few days ago and I’m still processing it. I was stack in this little cycle where every night I would pray to God to keep me alive so that I can get right with him. However, as the blessing of another day was poured into my life I would become super occupied and forget about the painful conversation I had with God during the night.
‘ I was aware that once I die, it’s too late for me. I was afraid of not taking responsibility for my mistake. I knew if something were to happen to me during those nights I would have lost the chance to make it right for my soul’s sake. Thus, I continued to pursuit in spit of all the wrong I was tormenting my soul by participating in.’
During this period, I cannot help but compare myself with a new-born baby. I was in such a state that I needed God to pick me up and clean the area around me. And, this reminded me of a preaching I heard long time ago where the preacher compared us to a new born baby. He explained that sometime we get ourselves in big stinky mess where only an extremely loving father would want to clean us.
And, That was what I needed. I was in the mist of stinky pooh and needed an extremely strong and gracious God to help me. So, I did the only thing I knew how to do; I prayed. I honestly did not care whether I was doing it right or not. All I knew was I needed a miracle and fast.
Although, it did not come overnight I knew if I just held on longer enough it will eventually come. Thus, I waited.
Lesson: As best said by Martin Luther king,” if you can’t fly, then run, if you can’t run, then walk, if you can walk, than crawl, but whatever you do, you have to keep moving.” This is also true in our walk with God, if you can’t read the bible, you pray, if you can’t pray, you do whatever to keep you moving forward. God seeing that you are trying is enough for a miracle.
I realised as I’m writing this today, the reason God did not rush to my rescue was not because he couldn’t but rather he was waiting on me. Although, I was spinning out of control and desire with every fibre of my being for God to help me I was not ready to give up a part of me that was causing me so much pain. Hence, he waited for me to be still.
Moreover, it occurred to me that God desires to move me from where I was. He has heard my prayer and seen my struggle. However, like an inpatient baby I was preventing him by moving around too much. Thus, it was difficult for him to Pick me up and move me away from the mess I was making. He was waiting for me to be still and allow him to work in me.
As believer we all make this mistake. We ask God to help us and give him three minutes and if nothing happens in that three minutes, we start to do it ourselves. However, we need to learn to trust God’s timing. And, Just because it’s not evident in the physical world doesn’t mean its not happening in the spiritual world.
(1) whatever you do, don’t stop pursuing God.
(3) be still and know that he is ‘ALWAYS’ with you.
(3) God desire and will move you from where you are, be patient.
Verse to help us:
” The LORD has looked down from heaven upon the sons of men to see if there are any who understand, who seek after God.” Psalm 14:2
“Seek the LORD while he may be found; Call upon him while he is near.” Isaiah 55:6-7
“But from there you will seek the LORD your God, and you will find him if you search for him with all your hear and all your soul” Deuteronomy 4:29-31
GOD WILL FIGHT FOR YOU IF YOU JUST LET HIM, FIND OUT HOW NEXT WEDNESDAY 🙂
How do you become Christian? This is one of the question a lot of Christians ask their fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. The reason I find that many Christian ask these kind of questions is to determine the reason why certain individual have made a personal decision to follow Christ.
And, most of these famous stories are inspirational stories about forgiveness, love, hardship, trails, wisdom etc. It is one of those classic questions where we get to share our story and inspire or change others. And, this is my testimony.
I grow up in a Christian home. My parents are both believers however, only by name. We went to church every Sunday like most Christian family because it was the norm. I never really wanted to go church or Sunday school like the other kids. However, like most African parents, if other kids are doing it than you are expected to part take. As a young boy to me that was enough to assured my salvation.
At the age of 13 my parent got divorced. I was living with mum at my grandfather’s place. The separation caused a lot of anger and frustration in my life. I blame God for everything and lost the little faith I had. Life became hard for us and we had to move from house to house. We often got kicked out and had to keep moving.
In 2008, things got even worst when my father passed away. I was so angry and could not cry at his funeral. I guess like most people at the time you may think that I’m heartless. However, as a young boy with everything that was going on I was lost and looking for someone to lean on. And, when my father failed to be that person I detested him for it.
Things began to get better when a Muslim man, Alias offered us a place to stay. Furthermore, he also fed us and send us to school. After a year of what was luxury living, the place offered to us and the school was taken by the government.
So, we were back to square one. After what seemed like forever our family managed to find a land next to the mountain in Gudele area (Juba). However, not enough money to build a house. So, I began to steal money from Alias to build a house. Although, I knew it was wrong I felt like I had no other options. I remember vividly my pastor teaching against stealing however, as a young boy in that circumstance salvation was something of a far concern.
After few months, the little money we managed to gather we built a house.
One day as I was working as usual at Alias’s shop, I took some loose change from the shop as I have done before. However, this time he found out and fire me. At the time, I was living at his house because it was close to the shop and my school. When I got fired I moved to my uncle’s place and continued to attend school.
Since my uncle and his wife were religious, so, I had to attend church every Sunday. As a young boy, that was a waste of time for me. Since I had no choice I continued to attend church but lacked understanding and interest.
As time passed, I still lacked understanding and interest so, joined a group of young boys. The reason why I joined the group was because they offered me security, examples and alternative.
And, although I was the youngest in the group I felt a sense of belong and equality. We protected each and did everything together. Sometimes like every group of young boys we got bored and got up to no good. We visited clubs on Saturdays and Fridays then on Sunday hit the church. With the lack of understanding and maturity, I was living recklessly and following all the negative examples that were being thrown at me.
As I grow older, I felt like I was serving two different masters or being two different persona, one for my boys and the other for my family. The one for my family went to church and attended school and the one for my boys went to clubs and undertook activities that were no beneficial in the long run.
Some years or so my uncle in Australia decided that it would be beneficial to move us from the negative environment. Therefore, began the process to move us to Australia. The process was successful and in 14/04/2010 we left Juba and moved to Australia.
During the journey to Australia, plane being unfamiliar species to me it terrified me and so, I asked God if he could do me one thing (get us safe to wherever we were going) and I would give my life to him.
When we finally made it to Australia (Sydney) after what seemed like a life time, I forgot about my promise to God.
In the beginning, I though what a land? I was excited and amused by everything. As I got used to few things I finally thought that things were going to change for the better. And, I was hopeful but without Christ.
Few months to our arrival the real struggle began. Although, it was no longer about house, money or food, it was more profound. I had to learn a new language, culture and way of living. There were things that I did and were frowned upon which were normal back home and other times there were things the people in Australia did which made me shook my head. Essentially, it was a different world far from the one I have known.
I was enrolled in Tyndale Christian school and began to learn about God. As I continued to learn about God I was intrigued and wanted to know more about him. And, it was during this time I finally decide God is the way for me. Hence, become a believer. I realised that God has been looking after my needs ever since and feel like there is no one who will have my back like he has done.
In 2013, I lost my little brother who was living back in Sudan. With this new grieve, the struggle of school and integrating, my new-found faith shattered. And, I asked him the question we all ask him ‘why God?’
As time passed, the grieving and anger become too much so, I started to read the book of Job. As I was reading the book of Job I realised that job and I share similar struggle. These new- found relation and understanding lead me to read the bible more and more. It gave me new perspective and strength so, I decided to fully be immersed in Christ and was baptised at hope Chapel Church. And truly, it has been the best decision I have ever made.
We are often in rush for success, marriages, relationships and etc. However, if there is one thing we should learn from nature is that seasons are the essence of our potentials. In saying this, i’m simply saying that there are seasons in different stages of our lives just as there are seasons in the reality world. And, if we are to apply this knowledge to our lives, we must wait!
For beautiful things to be beautiful,
it must come in its time.
And, this is the reason why we have seasons.
Seasons not only prepare our hearts to be able to receive beautiful things so that they may remain beautiful but also so, the beautiful things they themselves may grow to the beautiful things they are called to be.
In life we must deliberately choose good no matter how hard. In doing so, we will enter a beautiful world known as goodness. Although, it is a road not travelled, it is ours to travel through. And, you are capable of such journey.
We must deliberately with the hates in our hearts,
the jealousy in our voice,
the lies in our lips and the deceit in our
tongues choice love, sing kindness, speak the truth and give life.
Where there is darkness, light awaits for his chance.
The theory of evolution is a group of man/women’s idea. Similar to any other discussion you will find people arguing for and against. And, although I may not agree does not mean you cannot do your own research and come to your own conclusion.
“Come to your own conclusion.”
you see, I have made a personal choice to believe in the creation of the world according to the bible even with its history. Essentially, because it is what make sense to me.
I cannot convince you nor should someone force you to their point of view. For God has given each one of us the capacity to know, understand, learn and discern. Hence, why it is no one’s destiny to make or force another breathing human being into certain activities or belief.
“I cannot convince you nor should someone force you to their point of view.”
I offer you my knowledge, understanding and wisdom however, you must make your own decision.
To those who spend their precious time and life trying to convince others, it is a waste. people do not need to be convinced about the truth, for it will shine bright in a world of falsehood.
“People do not need to be convinced about the truth.”
I will not spend my time arguing or fighting foolishly, for our ideologies changes. And, the truth is each one of us will be held accountable for our decisions.
The thing to remember is to choose wisely and stand by it. Essentially, human kind will always be driven by the wind and not knowing truely what is right. Furthermore, our perspective, scientist, reasoning and ways of living will always be driven by time. A time that is constant but yet brings about new knowledge and danger.
My only prayer for us is to prevail against the odds and make the right decisions.
Want to unplug? hungry for adventure? well, then you are in the right place. So, Wentworth fall is a small but a beautiful town within Blue Mountain. From St Marys, It took roughly 50mins ( train). It is pretty cold due to the windy weather however, to warm yourself up, there is a small cafe called ‘Conditorei Patisserie Schwarz.”Conditorei Patisserie Schwarz is cosy with the best hot chocolate and croissants.
No mention, it has amazing service.
And, oh before I forget, there is an antique shop for those who are interested. And, like me if you ever dreamed of living in a small town where everyone knows everyone, then this is the perfect place for you.
Anyways, this is not even the best part, the best part include things such as seen in the following images.
Okay! so, I’m aware that not everyone is electrified by waterfalls or nature but bear with me.
So, the walk will take around 1-2 hours depending on how slow you walk and how often you stop. The first time my friend Ateny and I visited the place, it took us 2 hours. Essentially, because we are both aspiring photographer of some sort. Furthermore, we sat down to meditate and listen to the sound of streams of water.
However, when I visited it with my community youth group, it took us only 1 and half hour. We did stop to take pictures but we moved fairly quickly and most of us were fed up with the rainy feel of the place.
Rewind to the beginning……
Our Journey began at St marys station where I lost Ateny for about 30 and we missed dozen trains. However, since none of us is about that quitting life style, we pushed through and at 11:30 caught a train to Wentworth fall station.
There is no direct train to Wentworth fall so, we had to change in Emu Plains. While we were waiting for our train we decided to go and get some brekky. In the process of getting a brekky we managed to get lost so, we turned back and decided to get brekky at Wentworth fall. As you have seen in the beginning of this blog , it turned out pretty well.
Moving forward, after our brekky we began our walk around 1:00-1:20
So, the walk began at Wilson Park which is located on the left side of the Great Western Highway.
However, If you are starting your walk from the Wentworth Fall station, you will have to cross over to the post office using the pedestrian crossing.
Once you are on the other side, there is a map which will show you the way to go or Just use your GPS.
Essentially, you will have to walk toward the Great Western highway and cross to the other side from the light. Once you are on the other side, you will have to walk past the bus stop to Wilson Park where the picture above was taken.
From Wilson Park, you just have to follow the footpath which will connect you to another foot path and lead you to Fletchers street.
Approximately it will take you 10-15 minutes to get to Fletchers street (walking). If you do decide to drive, you can drive to the conservation hut where you will find parking, bathroom and cafe/restaurant.
This was in Fletchers street before the Darwin track
At Fletchers street, turn left and walk down the street. There should be a sign pointing you toward Fletchers street, you have to walk all the way down to the end of the street and from there you will find a little walk way leading to the Darwin track.
At the Darwin track, you will find a water stream which will continue all the way to the end of the track.
The experience is highly recommended for those who want to unplug or to push themselves outside their comfort zone. Furthermore, it can be a spiritual journey for those who want to renew their mind.
And, the good thing about this track is that you don’t have to necessarily complete the whole walk, you can just walk to the Darwin track and find a tree by the water and mediate or seat in silence.
It is really important for us whether a believer or not to quiet our spirit and find inner peace or just escape from this busy modern norm.
One of the most asked question in life and even in Google besides ‘how do you spell…’ is why do bad things happen to good people?! From everything I have learned in life, no one is perfect or in this case ‘good.’ Unless we are talking about the good according to Google ‘ to be desired or approved , having the required quality or of high standard or benefit or advantage to someone or something.’ In this case, we are all good. However, if we are talking about the ‘ultimate good’, the righteous, pure, 100% love, humble, generous, 100% selfless, good to the environment, when punched turns the other cheek or when stolen from tells the thief I love you and etc. well, that is …cough*…questionable. I mean, at times we all do that and sometimes we get them right back. Hence, we are all alright.
As I’m writing this, I’m thinking about ‘Bad Moms’ and how the main character depicted herself as a bad mother because sometimes she feels like everything she does is not good enough. Long story short, the moral of the film is that no mother is 100% good. Sometime they are too strict or not strict enough, sometime they do their children’s homework and sometime they don’t. Plus, their is no winning with kids sometimes, so who are we to blame them?
Similarly, we are capable of doing good things but nobody is 100% good. why? because that is life. Life is about making mistakes, growing and getting our honesty game on point. And, I think all people are capable of doing good things if only they know how. Hence, sometimes it’s good to be a teacher.
Anyways, if you are reading for the sole reason ‘why bad things happen to good people?’ Well, the truth is, bad things happen to all people. And, the way I make sense or at least try to make sense of it is, without bad, we would not know what is good. Take, for example, When you have a headache and you want nothing but for it to go away. Once, that headache is gone, you feel on top of the world, like literally. Now, if that headache didn’t occur, it is guaranteed that you would not have known the goodness of not having a headache. Hence, you cherish it more. Although this example is somewhat childish, I hope it makes sense to you. If you don’t get it, feel free to comment.